Separation Anxiety

I just found out why Ethan was crying profusely yesterday night when hubby and I were attending a wedding dinner, while grandma and Ethan's yiyi babysat him in one of the restaurants in the Hotel.

When we first left Ethan to the both of them, he was find indeed. Apparently, after we have left him about about 30 minutes, be began his whole crying saga and both grandma and yiyi couldn't understand why he was behaving that way.

And only much later (in fact now) that I found out that he is at this stage (around 7-8 months) where he becomes aware when we are not around. Technically, this is because children at this age haven't yet grasped the concept of object permanence -that you exist even when you're not with them.

Apparently this anxiety can last well past his first birthday. Sigh, will let you know if he is one of the "bad case".

Anyways, I found out that there are some ways of dealing with separation anxiety. Looks like mummy and daddy will need to pay special attention to these pointers:

1. Keep things familiar
If possible, have your child stay in his own home with someone he knows well -- grandparents, a caregiver. If he has to be away from home, don't separate him from his siblings, and make sure he has his favorite blankie. Routine is especially important for younger babies. A 4-month-old is too young to comprehend why Mom isn't with him, the most you can do is keep his daily routine the same.

2. Tell baby what to expect
Children really need to learn to trust you, so forecasting and then doing what you say you're going to do is very important. For kids under 3, a heads-up one or two days before you go is plenty. And don't skip an explanation because you think your child is too young to understand. Your tone of voice and your attitude send a message to your kids before they understand all the words.

3. Build anticipation
Whether he'll be going to the zoo with grandpa or baking cookies with grandma, emphasize how much fun your child will have while you're gone. It's also good to acknowledge his anxiety. You could say, "I know you're going to have a really good time with Grandma -- but it's okay if you miss me. You can tell Grandma you miss Mommy, and I bet Grandma will give you a really big hug."

4. Rehearse
Before your first kid-free trip, try some short practice runs. You want to help children gradually learn to tolerate separations. Try going out without your child a few nights a week. If that sounds unrealistic, an occasional overnight visit at Grandma's or a few afternoons with a babysitter can also help prepare your child for longer separations.

5. Always say good-bye
A baby can better adapt to separation if he sees Mommy and Daddy before they go. If he is sleeping or distracted when his parents leave, he may wake up, notice that you're not there, and start crying.

6. Leave a reminder of you
Leave something of yours behind with your baby. She could watch a video that you're in, look at a large picture of you, or sleep in one of your unwashed T-shirts.

7. Have a countdown until you return
Sometime after his second birthday, the child's sense of time improves. He may enjoy crossing out days on a calendar while you're gone, or marking them with stickers. Another idea is to give your child a box or bag of small gifts when you leave town. Then each day you're away, he gets to take out one gift.

8. Stay in touch
Consider sending postcards to the toddler before you leave so they'll arrive early in your absence. E-cards can also be written ahead of time and programmed to arrive when you choose. And of course, for children of all ages, phone calls are very reassuring. If your child starts to cry during your call, it's time to say good-bye -- and perhaps have the caregiver take him outside for a change of scenery.

9. Prepare for changes when you return
Many kids -- eager for your attention -- will act a little funny when you arrive home. Often you'll see a bit of regression/ It might be thumb sucking when they haven't done that for a while, or they may slip up in their potty training. But just like your child's fear of your leaving, this too shall pass.

Oh my, looks like we really need to prep him way in advance because our little boy is showing some signs that he is not happy when mummy and daddy are not around.

Ethan's first artwork

Ethan helped daddy make a father's day card for grandpa of course with some help from mummy. This was taken during Father's Day (21st June 2009). We used non-toxic children's paint and made sure that Ethan had his tiny hands wash twice after our little project!

tomorrow will be a better day

Have you ever just felt like you just don’t feel like feeling, felt horrible for no apparent reason, felt like the patience–o-meter is at it’s negative reading, no appetite for food, caught in a jam and thought that it was the worst ever, tired, haggard and exhausted.Well, that was how I felt today. Monday - it may be?

Came back from work, feeling horrible and tired. Had dinner and gave Ethan his milk. Testing! Because he just didn’t want to finish his milk. Frustrated! Walked out and went into my room.
Lied on my bed for a while and got the water in the bath running hoping to soak in the tub to unwind. When I was about to step into the tub, I heard Ethan’s yells and screams from the other room. There goes my time alone. Picked Ethan up and pacified him. Read him his Goodnight Moon, probably more than 10 times?, played with him and finally turned on the magic lullaby (daddy’s original mixtape), which hubby recorded when we found out that Pearly Shells could actually put Ethan to dreamland.

Finally, snug into bed with hubs. I asked him,“Have you ever just felt like you just don’t feel like feeling, felt horrible for no apparent reason, felt like the patience–o-meter is at it’s negative reading, no appetite for food, caught in a jam and thought that it was the worst ever, tired, haggard and exhausted.?”

Hubby answered, “Yes, many times. Like when he got out of bed on the wrong note. But eventually, it will turn better”

Me: It will?

Hubby: Yes. It will.

Then, hubby wrapped his arms around me and said, “Yes, it will be better. I’ll be here always. We can eat the banana cake together tomorrow morning.”

We said a prayer and went to sleep.
Yes, it will be better, much better tomorrow.

Yes, so sweet of hubs to buy me a loaf of banana cake from the SS2 pasar malam. I’ve never bought any cakes from the pasar malam, fearing its condition. But when I woke up this morning, I had 4 generous slices of the cake.

It was good, and yes, my day was much better.

Footprints in Sydney

I was in Sydney again, after a very very long time - 5 years? And this time, I packed my bags, and board the plane all by myself, yes! Very couragious one may say, but really, I was crushed inside for having to leave hubby and lil' E at home. Unfortunately habby is not able to take just that couple of days off, thus the reason I'm travelling alone.

However, I after boarding on the plane, I watched some in-demand movies and went straight to sleep. When I woke up, the stewards were just serving breakfast and 1 hour and 15 mins before we land in Sydney Kingsford Airport.

Nice! That was how I felt....

When stepped out, it was Swine Flu Alert all over Sydney airport! I was amused by the termal videocams set up all over. Passed the cameras and yippie, went straight to the luggage belts.

Not too long later, saw a familiar face. Zuhun was as big as ever. No wonder buddy loves hugging this giant.

I wondered around town on my own, no hubs, no bubs. And that was really good. I could just wake up in the morning, not having to think about what do I need to complete for the day. I could just take my time and do nothing.

Of course I didn't do nothing! I just sipped coffee and smiled.

Spent a good 3 days in Sydney, revisiting and re-living it again. It was indescribable. But most of all, spending some time with buds. That was priceless .

We ate, drank, chatted, gossiped, 'sucked' (ahem, oysters), giggled, laughed and I teared when I left.

Pacific Oyster at the Fish Market.

$18.99 a dozen.

Buds and I each had half a dozen... and

half a lobster, half a dozen of scallops, salmon and tuna sashimi, 3 prawns.. all within an hour!

Sigh, that was what you call a taste of heaven!

Ethan - Starting Solids

When Ethan turned 6 months on the 1st June, I was really excited wanting to see how he'd react when this alien spoon reached his tiny mouth with some white gluey paste in it. We have been training him with the spoon for the past month, feeding him just water using a baby weaning spoon.

We follow strictly the recommended time when solids should be introduced, and according to the WHO, it is best to introduce solids to infant at and around 6 months old because the iron stores that baby gained will begin to run low and a full term baby will need the iron from other sources. Therefore it is important for the little one to gain a balanced nutritional intake. Also, it is a perfect time to start him at this point because he is showing massive signs that he is ready for solids (he drools a whole lot, puts everything and anything into his mouth, sucks his thumb profusely). I was told by my pediatrician that the danger begins when we deliberately start him much later (after he has shown all these signs but we still insist on not starting him on solids until much later) will do more harm than good. And if infants are not introduced to solids after 6 months, they will then to rely on their milk intake only. This is dangerous as milk alone will not be able to sustain a growing infant’s nutrient requirements.

Therefore, we started him right on the dot when he turned 6 months old. This little champion took us by surprise because it actually turned out quite alright as I was expecting him to throw out 50% of his baby cereal. He really did made us proud by showing us that he can eat, and I mean eat properly. He did not kick any fuss, but welcomed each spoonfuls of cereal by opening up his mouth and launching himself forward excitedly every time when he sees his food coming close to his direction.

Referring to a little note written by his pediatrician:

1st week : Baby cereal anytime between 5 - 7 pm
2nd week : Baby cereal anytime between 7-9am and 5-7pm
3rd week : Mashed fruits and vegetables

I am at week one! 2 more week sto go... What kind of mashies should I start?
Carrots, avocado, Carrots, avocado, Carrots, avocado, Carrots, avocado, ... Avocado!